I think one of my greatest motivators has been fear of my own incompetence. When I look at periods where I'm unusually driven, it's normally out of a desire to improve what I feel is an unacceptable state. My motivation does not come from wanting to be the best I can be...it's simply unacceptable to be below average.
It's not that I don't have other motivation - I can inspire myself to do better because I know it's the right thing or I know it will help me, but the innate drive to avoid incompetence is effortless and irresistible. I can never be below average for long about something I care about - I'll do whatever it takes to make sure that's not the case.
What does this say about me? I'm not sure. I don't even know for sure if it's unusual, but I imagine it is.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
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3 comments:
Damnit, is it annoying that I keep saying that I can empathize? Cause I do! I find it annoying, that is.
I'm usually the one disagreeing with people - usually because I do, but sometimes because it's more fun - but I really do feel as if you're writing about me sometimes. Even though it's kinda cool that I can relate, I also feel pretty unoriginal when I read your posts. Especially because you're also far more articulate!
I pretty much loathe incompetence and I've written a lot of posts at least referencing it in some sometimes underhanded manner.
Anyway, a similar topic came up in an email with my sister recently. I had said some stuff about school and blah blah...
Sister: "i wonder what your reaction would be to failure."
Me: "...I've had more than my share of "failure." Sure, not for stuff I care about, but if I care about it, why would I fail?"
Failure and incompetence aren't necessarily the same thing (well, maybe in my subjective world, it sort of is...), but I also do agree that they are both great motivators.
I guess she wonders whether I just don't let myself care about certain things because I FEAR I'll be "incompetent," but I think this is a better explanation - it's more of a motivator than an inhibitor... (But then again, of course I'm biased.)
- Sorry if I've misconstrued your post -
- I swear I'm not as conceited as I think I come across in this post.
- I'll eventually comment on Part 2 - I think I have to go back a bit through the audios though, because I didn't really pay as much attn when the discussion moved away from Ayn Rand.
AJ, I'm not sure you could call yourself incompetent at anything. Perhaps below average is what you refer to as incompetent - in which case your ego is the issue more than anything:) But I wonder what you would even call yourself below average in?
I often compare myself to those immediately around me, and have a need to feel smarter, faster, more coordinated, whatever. Not in a put in your face way, more in an inner confidence way. Maybe this is related to what you feel. The funny thing is that if I just expand the scope a bit, I am not the best in anything. I guess we creat the average out of those we surround ourselves with. Interesting.
Maybe if I just surround myself with "less competent" people, my ego will be boosted.
In closing, Aaron, you're not invited over anymore - you're out of my life -- sorry.
JP
First of all, I should have used the word mediocrity instead of incompetence. I won't change it though - my blog is like a stone tablet (except that I'm allowed to fix grammar errors). The words are pretty different. Think mediocre/below average.
Jason, I'll reply to you first since Lydia will read everything and you probably won't, you busy older brother. FYI, I recognized it was you after reading the first sentence (AJ mixed with the interesting complement). You should be proud I'm so familiar with you.
Anyway, you're right on. It's the immediate community that matters. Let me clarify your point. Pretend I care about chess. As it stands, I don't have much motivation to get better at chess. In the group of people I play chess with, I do pretty well. I certainly don't do poorly enough to inspire me to do better.
Now suppose I joined a chess club, and I was the worst player in the club. Automatic motivation. Suddenly in my immediate community I'm mediocre or worse. I'd have the motivation to do whatever I could to improve my skill. I'd certainly get a lot better, but I wouldn't be at all happy until I was among the best of the club. In fact, that's happening with snowboarding. I'm the worst snowboarder of my crew (besides the friends I take with me who've never done it before). I'm full of motivation to get better at snowboarding.
Do you like how I've taken your point and restated it and acted like it was my idea? Here, I'll answer a real-life question for you. Does the fact that I can't beat any of my brother's in arm wrestling motivate me to get stronger? A little, but I don't really care too much about arm wrestling. Also, there has to be something you can beat me at so you don't boot me out of your life for being too competent.
Lydia, I'll accept that you can empathize. I won't accept that I'm more articulate.
I remember the recent discussion with your sister where she said you may not have moved forward because of the fear of incompetence. What she meant was that you recognized that you wouldn't be a great whatever (pianist, I believe) and you were afraid to accept there was something you couldn't be great at. I think the two are separate enough that they shouldn't be mixed.
I don't think you misconstrued my post though. I'm pretty sure you understood.
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