This could have been attached to the previous post but I thought it could stand on it's own. I'm reading Herman Hesse's novel "Steppenwolf" right now, and there's a portion where he talks about conflicting sets of desires within himself. He really touches on the inconsistency that seems to come with being human - although we like to say that we live by a certain set of values, ethics, or priorities, there are a number of different forces pulling us in different directions that can make our behavior inconsistent with what we believe to be our core values. That's my experience, anyway.
In Steppenwolf, the main character feels a divide within himself - there is a part of him that wants to be a part of normal (bourgeoisie is the word used repeatedly in the novel) society, that wants to live a life with priorities like family, money, and entertainment. A second part of him realizes the hypocrisy and inanity that this lifestyle would have for him. On one level, he looks down on the "normal" people because they partake in what he sees as a contemptuous, or at best ignorantly blissful, lifestyle. On another level, he envies them for their capacity to live, apparently happily, in this lifestyle. It's not just an envy though, there is a part of him that legitimately wishes to be a part of this society, or at least a society. Despite his conviction that he is an outsider, he'll even attempt to participate in events with other people in society, only to be disappointed or disgusted.
It was interesting to read about this divide...it's something I haven't thought much about. Steppenwolf is credited as being one of Hesse's most autobiographical novels - I assume this means that on some level, Hesse felt he was an outsider, and also felt the pull of many different set of values. Hesse mentions that we all, to some extent, suffer from multiple personality disorder, and I think that's an interesting way to look at it. We can arrange our values into categories - the pleasure-seeker, the spiritualist who feels slightly detached from the world, the family-loving career oriented persona...and that's just naming a few of my own!
Even if you take my great advice (aka wisdom) and take time to establish your values and take care to act in accordance with them, the truth is that you'll slip up. At the very least, I do. Not just that, but our values will change - new personalities with new set of personalities will emerge, and old sets will be changed or even discarded.
Is it denying a part of yourself to suppress a certain personality in favor of one that you feel is more important? Is that an exercise doomed to failure, with the suppressed personality slowly building power even during it's suppression until it's uncontainable? Maybe, but that's only partially consistent with my experience. We also have the opportunity to suppress a personality we don't appreciate until we no longer feel the desire to express what it stands for...to erase it, not just suppress it. Perhaps, through willpower, that gives us a path towards growth?
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Values before and after a "Quantum Change"
Men | |
Before Wealth Adventure Achievement Pleasure Be respected Family Fun Freedom Self-esteem Attractiveness | After Spirituality Personal Peace Family* God's Will Honesty Growth Humility Faithfulness Forgiveness to others Self-esteem* |
Women | |
Before Family Independence Career Fitting in Attractiveness Knowledge Self-control Be loved Happiness Wealth | After Growth Spirituality Self-esteem Happiness Generosity Personal Peace Health Forgiveness Creativity Honesty |
* Appears "pre-quantum change"
From the above video...
The list above is a list of values that shows up at the end of the linked video. Nancy Etcoff discusses the neurological and psychological factors of personal happiness - what it is, and whether or not it's reasonable to aspire towards it.
I found the above chart particularly interesting as I think it gives some concrete words to value changes that can take place in people. It's tempting to call the second set of values enlightened values or to elevate them in some other way, but I (personally) think it's important to recognize that values have a subjective worth. Either way, the learned and the interested in personal growth have a strong tendency to change their values from those on the left to those on the right.
It feels to me a lot like maturing - I discard the values I held when I was younger in favor of other values that I feel reflect who I am and more importantly who I want to be more clearly.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
About Me, June 2009 Edition
I'm very good, thanks for asking. Somehow I feel like I'm still adjusting to "normal" life after my time (8 months) overseas. I haven't settled into a lasting routine...you know, those routines that we always seem to find in life where we do the same basic things every day or every week. I got back in late March, so I think I'm overdue for an adjustment into routine.
A part of that might be due to a lingering connection I still feel with Vy, the girlfriend I had during my time overseas. If you haven't heard, we're not together anymore. It was a difficult decision and I don't want to get into details here...regardless, it's still on my mind all this time later. I wonder how much my life experiences have influenced my relationships and my personal view on relationships and priorities. It seems everyone has advice, but it also seems that in the end relationship decisions are decisions we make alone.
I've been telling everyone that I've been reading a lot, and that was true, but I've slowed down in the last few weeks. I've discovered that I love having audio books in my car, and I listen pretty much exclusively to audio books when driving alone, which is often. I'm reading "Animal, Vegetable, Mineral" by Barbara Kingsolver right now. It's good, and even though it's a topic I felt I was largely familiar with, I find myself acting very differently despite my smug feeling of superiority as I read through the book. It is primarily about the merits of eating locally grown food and supporting local farmers, and of arranging our eating schedule around what is in season (vegetables and fruits only grow during certain times of the year!). I like the book, though if you're looking for a read I recommend John Robbins "Diet for a New America", although Diet is distinctly anti-meat where Kingsolver is a little more open-minded about it. As far as other reading material, just read through some of my last posts, it's been a common topic.
Our new TV has a lot to do with my slowed pace on reading. I watch TV sometimes now, though I still can't stand watching (and don't watch) "real" TV - that is to say, something that isn't pre-recorded so I can avoid advertisements. I really, really dislike intrusive advertisements and commercials...to the point, for example, that I don't like using the TV guide because one row is dedicated to advertising. I'm not sure what it is about advertising that gets under my skin, but I can truly and honestly say that I go to great lengths to avoid it.
I also have an Xbox 360 video game system that I picked up to play online games with friends. With the new TV, that sees occasional use as a movie player...very occasional use. OK, it's only ever played two movies, and I borrowed them both from the library.
I just finished another semester of German class. I like the people in my class, though it was a little disheartening to see how little I had learned in 8 months. I have pretty high expectations for myself, just in case you came across my blog in a google search or have never listened to me in your life. I've also joined two "clubs" in Portland, the "Portland Intellectual" club and the "Portland Philosophers" club. They both meet 1-2 times a month, and I really enjoy going to the meetings. They aren't everything I could wish for - as will always happen in discussion groups, certain people tend to dominate the discussion, and most people have a greater interest in expressing their personal view than they do in understanding the views of another...but all in all they are great, and I don't know how they could be better. They are both groups of people that love to think, that love to discuss topics that have some fundamental relevance to our lives and the way we live them...and I enjoy this type of discussion.
Work is going great. I don't feel overworked, and I don't work all that many hours in a given week - very rarely more than 40. I don't really enjoy spending all my time in front of the computer. I do enjoy my actual work though, with all of its problem solving and complications. I'm in a good financial situation right now as well...I'm hoping to have saved up enough money by the middle of next year to put down a sizable down payment on a $250k-350k house.
My mom and I still live together, and I'm thinking that's how it's going to be for the foreseeable future. It can be difficult - not because of anything she does wrong, but because, well, my mother lives with me - but I'm really happy that I'm able to be a part of her life as she gets older. She has told me before she wouldn't feel comfortable living alone, and I like that it brings our family closer together. When I visit my nephews or nieces, they get to have the experience of getting to know their grandmother and their uncle, and I think that's very valuable. I hope that Mom can stay a part of everyone's lives until the end - which is still a long way away.
I still play soccer 2-3 times a week. I play pickup soccer at lunch at my gym, and I stay anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 hours. I keep trying to get a routine going with weightlifting, but I just really don't enjoy it at all. Tennis, on the other hand, I do enjoy. I wish Matt (my brother) lived up here so he and I could go out and hit the tennis ball around a few times a week - but he's doing other things with his life right now. He's working on putting together a vocal album (with him doing the piano and the vocals) which I personally am very excited about. I don't know where he'll be in a year, though. Anyway, my personal piano prowess is plodding forward, but it hasn't been a priority for a while.
Well, that's how I'm doing, thanks for asking. How are you?
A part of that might be due to a lingering connection I still feel with Vy, the girlfriend I had during my time overseas. If you haven't heard, we're not together anymore. It was a difficult decision and I don't want to get into details here...regardless, it's still on my mind all this time later. I wonder how much my life experiences have influenced my relationships and my personal view on relationships and priorities. It seems everyone has advice, but it also seems that in the end relationship decisions are decisions we make alone.
I've been telling everyone that I've been reading a lot, and that was true, but I've slowed down in the last few weeks. I've discovered that I love having audio books in my car, and I listen pretty much exclusively to audio books when driving alone, which is often. I'm reading "Animal, Vegetable, Mineral" by Barbara Kingsolver right now. It's good, and even though it's a topic I felt I was largely familiar with, I find myself acting very differently despite my smug feeling of superiority as I read through the book. It is primarily about the merits of eating locally grown food and supporting local farmers, and of arranging our eating schedule around what is in season (vegetables and fruits only grow during certain times of the year!). I like the book, though if you're looking for a read I recommend John Robbins "Diet for a New America", although Diet is distinctly anti-meat where Kingsolver is a little more open-minded about it. As far as other reading material, just read through some of my last posts, it's been a common topic.
Our new TV has a lot to do with my slowed pace on reading. I watch TV sometimes now, though I still can't stand watching (and don't watch) "real" TV - that is to say, something that isn't pre-recorded so I can avoid advertisements. I really, really dislike intrusive advertisements and commercials...to the point, for example, that I don't like using the TV guide because one row is dedicated to advertising. I'm not sure what it is about advertising that gets under my skin, but I can truly and honestly say that I go to great lengths to avoid it.
I also have an Xbox 360 video game system that I picked up to play online games with friends. With the new TV, that sees occasional use as a movie player...very occasional use. OK, it's only ever played two movies, and I borrowed them both from the library.
I just finished another semester of German class. I like the people in my class, though it was a little disheartening to see how little I had learned in 8 months. I have pretty high expectations for myself, just in case you came across my blog in a google search or have never listened to me in your life. I've also joined two "clubs" in Portland, the "Portland Intellectual" club and the "Portland Philosophers" club. They both meet 1-2 times a month, and I really enjoy going to the meetings. They aren't everything I could wish for - as will always happen in discussion groups, certain people tend to dominate the discussion, and most people have a greater interest in expressing their personal view than they do in understanding the views of another...but all in all they are great, and I don't know how they could be better. They are both groups of people that love to think, that love to discuss topics that have some fundamental relevance to our lives and the way we live them...and I enjoy this type of discussion.
Work is going great. I don't feel overworked, and I don't work all that many hours in a given week - very rarely more than 40. I don't really enjoy spending all my time in front of the computer. I do enjoy my actual work though, with all of its problem solving and complications. I'm in a good financial situation right now as well...I'm hoping to have saved up enough money by the middle of next year to put down a sizable down payment on a $250k-350k house.
My mom and I still live together, and I'm thinking that's how it's going to be for the foreseeable future. It can be difficult - not because of anything she does wrong, but because, well, my mother lives with me - but I'm really happy that I'm able to be a part of her life as she gets older. She has told me before she wouldn't feel comfortable living alone, and I like that it brings our family closer together. When I visit my nephews or nieces, they get to have the experience of getting to know their grandmother and their uncle, and I think that's very valuable. I hope that Mom can stay a part of everyone's lives until the end - which is still a long way away.
I still play soccer 2-3 times a week. I play pickup soccer at lunch at my gym, and I stay anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 hours. I keep trying to get a routine going with weightlifting, but I just really don't enjoy it at all. Tennis, on the other hand, I do enjoy. I wish Matt (my brother) lived up here so he and I could go out and hit the tennis ball around a few times a week - but he's doing other things with his life right now. He's working on putting together a vocal album (with him doing the piano and the vocals) which I personally am very excited about. I don't know where he'll be in a year, though. Anyway, my personal piano prowess is plodding forward, but it hasn't been a priority for a while.
Well, that's how I'm doing, thanks for asking. How are you?
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Tao te Ching, 44
Fame or integrity: which is more important?
Money or happiness: which is more valuable?
Success or failure: which is more destructive?
If you look to others for fulfillment,
you will never truly be fulfilled.
If your happiness depends on money,
you will never be happy with yourself.
Be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.
Money or happiness: which is more valuable?
Success or failure: which is more destructive?
If you look to others for fulfillment,
you will never truly be fulfilled.
If your happiness depends on money,
you will never be happy with yourself.
Be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
