Why is it that people get married? I don't mean "Why does marriage exist" but rather, what are the reasons that we choose to live and likely share our life with another person?
Naturally, reasons vary from person to person. There are a variety of practical reasons to marry someone you're in a relationship with, but they are rarely cited as the actual "raison d'etre" for the finalization of a marriage. Generally speaking, the primary reason people will cite is love (that's not necessarily a bad thing!).
It does, however, warrant clarification. As I've experienced life, I've often heard a philosophy - especially among the more intellectual married - that love has very little to do with feeling. Often, initially, it has a lot to do with feeling, but a lasting love is based upon effort, persistence, and choices. Love, to cite the overused idiom, is a choice. Some days, it's a more difficult choice than others.
Love as a choice makes sense to me. It's not and likely never will be a universally shared view...but part of maturity is learning to accept that there are multiple answers to many questions, and that life experiences and genetics can and do create situations where different answers to the same question are correct for different people. For me, love as a choice is not only the way I want it to be, it's the only possibility I can accept. It's as apparent as 2 + 2 = 4. I'd argue that my "faith" in that possibility reinforces it for me and talk about how we create our own realities...but I won't talk about that in this post.
What is the motivation behind a choice for love? What is it those in a relationship look for in a lifetime partner? I've been struggling with this question for quite a while, after I chose to end my semi-successful relationship overseas not because I was unhappy, but because I made a decision that it wasn't the type of relationship I wanted to have.
It's more than a little audacious to compare myself to Einstein, but I'm reading his biography right now. His experience in relationships was, to me, quite interesting. Let me tell you about them.
Einstein's first serious relationship was with beautiful woman a few years older than him while he was in his late teens. The woman was gracious, caring, and deeply infatuated with Einstein. She was in no way Einstein's intellectual equal, and on an intellectual level was completely unsatisfying for the young physicist. He broke off the relationship, much to her dismay. Einstein wrote a letter to her father apologizing for ending the relationship because he knew what an effect it would have on her. He felt a lot of guilt; my personal feeling on the matter is that the guilt was due to his complete inability to return any kind of love. The limerence (now an accepted concept for me) went away, and nothing was left for him. She, sadly, had a nervous breakdown shortly after her relationship with Einstein ended.
Einstein's second serious relationship was with a fellow classmate from his University: Maric. Maric was able to have intelligent discussions with him about topics that interested him greatly. They also shared a a bit of an "outsider" attitude and a general disrespect for authority. They dated through their university years, but Maric was unable to graduate from the advanced physics course and therefore unable to continue to graduate school.
Maric and Einstein were married, and their relationship still had a strong tie to their shared intellectual interests. As one might predict, this foundation proved shaky. Over the next 10 years, Einstein continued his schooling, formulated theories, met with the most intelligent and most highly regarded physicists of the world as he attempted to complete his theory of relativity and a related theory about the wave/particle properties of light. Maric stayed home and raised their children, shutting the door to any opportunity for her to keep any kind of pace with Einstein. Not surprisingly, she basically dropped out of the academic world completely.
This relationship did not function well. Both Einstein and Maric were eventually unhappy - Maric dissatisfied and depressed, Einstein annoyed and seemingly uninterested.
Einstein divorced (eventually, you're getting the short story here), and remarried a non-scholar (his first cousin Ilse, actually). Ilse was not educated, and wanted nothing more from life than a husband and to take care of the household and to support her husband. I can't tell you how this relationship ended...I'm still in the middle of the book. At the very least, there is some happiness in the relationship.
Are relationships with a strong intellectual component doomed to run into difficulties due to the realities of family-raising and a woman's undeniably heavy role in that process? Given, this is a single example of a rather unusual case, but the fact is that that if we choose to grow in life (as opposed to stagnating, surprisingly a common choice), we all change in different ways. Relationships that form due to shared interests will likely find that over the course of time one or both individuals will disagree at a fork, and go different ways. The shared interest will not always be there.
Is it a better answer then to take Einstein's path? Give up on attempting to find a partner that can satisfy intellectual needs (let the social and possibly work environments deal with that), and instead focus on finding a partner that you get along with in a domestic environment? There is no right answer...I'm only seeking my answer.
Monday, April 06, 2009
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
The most important thing...
I've often thought (and probably said more than once, over the years) that my most crucial realizations in and about life are the most difficult to share. I think this is a trait shared by many thinkers of many languages. Surprisingly, this difficulty is not caused by an inherent complexity; it's an unambiguity, a clarity, a base simplicity. When spoken aloud or shared, they simply sound trite or basic - sometimes like a simplified version of the moral to a children's fairy tale, other times elementary and obvious.
I want this to be clear before I share one of my crucial realizations with my many, many blog readers out there.
It is a truth of unequivocal importance. It's one of the few moral absolutes I would strive to impart to any children I might have, and it's a fact that I recognize every day.
My first and most important resource is myself.
What do I mean? I mean that for every decision we make in life, the only resource we have comes from within. That's not to say we can't rely on other people, find or worship a greater power, or have any of a variety of forms of dependency or cooperation. It is to say that our only mechanism for evaluation of outside resources (such as other people or a higher power) is our own. We can use whichever moral standard we wish, but it is a choice before it becomes a method.
For example, it's not wrong to be a Christian and believe whatever you want to believe - as long as you recognize that your faith is due to your own choices, as long as you recognize that it is, on some level, a decision. Resources aren't necessarily only logical: you can give as much or as little value as you want to the non-material, the unprovable, feelings and intuition, or any other resource you want to place your trust in. All that is required is that given your knowledge and experience, your choice is the choice you believe is the right one.
A wholehearted and conscious recognition of one's own role in one's own life is a responsible decision. It removes the possibility for some excuses...but opens the door for others. Realistically, any type of lifestyle is justifiable with this philosophy, so long as you can convince yourself that you're doing what you believe is best given your resources. Consequently, this isn't a useful tool in evaluating the motives or actions of others. It can only be used on the self...and only then with a stark honesty to the self few people are willing to muster.
With an acknowledgment of this truth it is consequentially true that self-improvement (especially education) is an invaluable boon. As you gain more knowledge and capability, you gain a greater capacity to make informed decisions about your life. There's nothing wrong with accepting a moral doctrine from an established entity, and often it's the most efficient decision to make - but the more knowledge you have to work with, the better skills you will have to evaluate not only which entity you wish to follow, but also how to classify ambiguous situations.
As life continues, we all grow and change. As I pass through my early 20s (still young, by many standards) I seem to find many people my age already in a rut of some kind - either sticking with decisions made years ago by a younger, less experienced self or looping through a perpetual cycle and stagnating. Physiologically there are reasons for this, but that doesn't mean it's in any way unavoidable. Re-evaluate your life decisions using the only resource you truly have: yourself.
I want this to be clear before I share one of my crucial realizations with my many, many blog readers out there.
It is a truth of unequivocal importance. It's one of the few moral absolutes I would strive to impart to any children I might have, and it's a fact that I recognize every day.
My first and most important resource is myself.
What do I mean? I mean that for every decision we make in life, the only resource we have comes from within. That's not to say we can't rely on other people, find or worship a greater power, or have any of a variety of forms of dependency or cooperation. It is to say that our only mechanism for evaluation of outside resources (such as other people or a higher power) is our own. We can use whichever moral standard we wish, but it is a choice before it becomes a method.
For example, it's not wrong to be a Christian and believe whatever you want to believe - as long as you recognize that your faith is due to your own choices, as long as you recognize that it is, on some level, a decision. Resources aren't necessarily only logical: you can give as much or as little value as you want to the non-material, the unprovable, feelings and intuition, or any other resource you want to place your trust in. All that is required is that given your knowledge and experience, your choice is the choice you believe is the right one.
A wholehearted and conscious recognition of one's own role in one's own life is a responsible decision. It removes the possibility for some excuses...but opens the door for others. Realistically, any type of lifestyle is justifiable with this philosophy, so long as you can convince yourself that you're doing what you believe is best given your resources. Consequently, this isn't a useful tool in evaluating the motives or actions of others. It can only be used on the self...and only then with a stark honesty to the self few people are willing to muster.
With an acknowledgment of this truth it is consequentially true that self-improvement (especially education) is an invaluable boon. As you gain more knowledge and capability, you gain a greater capacity to make informed decisions about your life. There's nothing wrong with accepting a moral doctrine from an established entity, and often it's the most efficient decision to make - but the more knowledge you have to work with, the better skills you will have to evaluate not only which entity you wish to follow, but also how to classify ambiguous situations.
As life continues, we all grow and change. As I pass through my early 20s (still young, by many standards) I seem to find many people my age already in a rut of some kind - either sticking with decisions made years ago by a younger, less experienced self or looping through a perpetual cycle and stagnating. Physiologically there are reasons for this, but that doesn't mean it's in any way unavoidable. Re-evaluate your life decisions using the only resource you truly have: yourself.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Healthy Legislation
Link to senate hearing...I didn't watch the whole thing.
This is a link to a senate hearing with "integrative medicine" representatives Andrew Weil, Mehmet Oz, Dean Onish and Mark Hyman. It's simply an exploratory meeting, but the four doctors clarified what they felt was a major problem with the American Health Care system: a focus on disease management rather than illness prevention. The major suggestions revolved around better education: mostly in schools.
According to the initial speaker, Obama urged Congress to pass a new health related bill, and Obama also hoped for a focus on prevention. I don't know that this exploratory committee will be take things further, but I certainly believe it's a step in the right direction...and the kind of common sense legislation that will be largely supported by many Americans, especially those not following their party line. The "party line" condition is necessary only because I foresee the Republican party opposing this legislation, if it somehow becomes popular, with some variant of "The government shouldn't tell us how to live". If you're reading my blog, I'd hope you don't need me to point out the straw man. I suppose secondarily they could attack one of the doctors with claims of "quackery", which is almost a legitimate argument (ad hominem for you fallacy lovers). Almost legitimate because, if their proposed health solutions are ineffective, that's a valid reason not to use them. I personally don't think that's the case, and I think this is a perfect example of when the government should step in: not to do what's profitable, but to do what's necessary.
Slight off-topic: Obama, since taking office, has governed in a method I agree with. I don't agree with every decision (ie, I'm not convinced of the viability of the economic stimulus) but I appreciate the transparency and accountability he attempts to bring to the office and to our highest levels of government.
This is a link to a senate hearing with "integrative medicine" representatives Andrew Weil, Mehmet Oz, Dean Onish and Mark Hyman. It's simply an exploratory meeting, but the four doctors clarified what they felt was a major problem with the American Health Care system: a focus on disease management rather than illness prevention. The major suggestions revolved around better education: mostly in schools.
According to the initial speaker, Obama urged Congress to pass a new health related bill, and Obama also hoped for a focus on prevention. I don't know that this exploratory committee will be take things further, but I certainly believe it's a step in the right direction...and the kind of common sense legislation that will be largely supported by many Americans, especially those not following their party line. The "party line" condition is necessary only because I foresee the Republican party opposing this legislation, if it somehow becomes popular, with some variant of "The government shouldn't tell us how to live". If you're reading my blog, I'd hope you don't need me to point out the straw man. I suppose secondarily they could attack one of the doctors with claims of "quackery", which is almost a legitimate argument (ad hominem for you fallacy lovers). Almost legitimate because, if their proposed health solutions are ineffective, that's a valid reason not to use them. I personally don't think that's the case, and I think this is a perfect example of when the government should step in: not to do what's profitable, but to do what's necessary.
Slight off-topic: Obama, since taking office, has governed in a method I agree with. I don't agree with every decision (ie, I'm not convinced of the viability of the economic stimulus) but I appreciate the transparency and accountability he attempts to bring to the office and to our highest levels of government.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Photos
New post on the photo blog. Going to have another one up very soon, soon enough that I won't bother posting it here. Oh, I'm in Austria. Yes, I'm dating Vy despite not sharing a primary language.
FYI - I think absolute conviction is a weakness. I hope to never believe in anything so strongly that I'm not willing to accept the possibility of an alternative or that I may be incorrect.
Second point - English is surprisingly difficult.
FYI - I think absolute conviction is a weakness. I hope to never believe in anything so strongly that I'm not willing to accept the possibility of an alternative or that I may be incorrect.
Second point - English is surprisingly difficult.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Thoughts
So, have I made any important discoveries, any wisdom to share with my readers and future self? Of course not, with a preamble like that any shared wisdom would have to be quite overarching and, well, wise sounding. I can't imagine I haven't discussed it before, but I've come to the conclusion that if it sounds wise, it's probably not. Wisdom dispensed never comes out sounding wise, it always comes out sounding plain or obvious...or wrong. And besides, wisdom is fairly relative, because at some level we make decisions about our priorities, and wisdom is only a way to live according to those priorities. Not everyone has the same priorities. Maybe in that short sentence is wisdom…disguised.
It takes a lot to be aware and accepting of that little fact. Not everyone has the same priorities. When we meet someone with different priorities, it's easy to be dismissive or condescending. "The only reason he wants X is because he doesn't yet realize that X is transient/corporeal/stupid. Y is what's truly important." There is no universal set of priorities. People will always disagree on fundamental issues, and people will always want to be understood before trying to understand...or without trying to understand.
One new tenet I've been trying to follow is odd-sounding on the first run. As a matter of fact, I was a bit dismissive when I first heard it. A friend was telling me about some personal problems, and about how her psychologist had told her "Make no decisions." I thought, “Oh God, more psycho babble. That certainly sounds reasonable.”…little known fact – my inner monologue has a Valley Girl accent. The real meaning here is not that we should stay ever undecided, but that we should avoid making statements that we choose to apply over the rest of our lives. Never make a statement that you're not willing to go back on - the stubbornness that comes from a desire to "stay true to who we are" can lead to mistakes. First of all, whatever we do defines who we are - is the worry that we might someday step outside those bounds and become someone else? We are our actions, not our thoughts or decisions. I try to think about whether a decision I've made is a decision I would make again, given the chance today. And of course…I have that chance, every day. Persistence is a virtue and a necessary component of a productive life (for most people), but only when we persist in acts of value and worth.
It takes a lot to be aware and accepting of that little fact. Not everyone has the same priorities. When we meet someone with different priorities, it's easy to be dismissive or condescending. "The only reason he wants X is because he doesn't yet realize that X is transient/corporeal/stupid. Y is what's truly important." There is no universal set of priorities. People will always disagree on fundamental issues, and people will always want to be understood before trying to understand...or without trying to understand.
One new tenet I've been trying to follow is odd-sounding on the first run. As a matter of fact, I was a bit dismissive when I first heard it. A friend was telling me about some personal problems, and about how her psychologist had told her "Make no decisions." I thought, “Oh God, more psycho babble. That certainly sounds reasonable.”…little known fact – my inner monologue has a Valley Girl accent. The real meaning here is not that we should stay ever undecided, but that we should avoid making statements that we choose to apply over the rest of our lives. Never make a statement that you're not willing to go back on - the stubbornness that comes from a desire to "stay true to who we are" can lead to mistakes. First of all, whatever we do defines who we are - is the worry that we might someday step outside those bounds and become someone else? We are our actions, not our thoughts or decisions. I try to think about whether a decision I've made is a decision I would make again, given the chance today. And of course…I have that chance, every day. Persistence is a virtue and a necessary component of a productive life (for most people), but only when we persist in acts of value and worth.
Monday, June 30, 2008
A little Aaron info
Well, my Europe trip is fast approaching. I'll be leaving July 25...less than 4 weeks. I'm staying in Vienna, Austria with a friend I met on a different trip, and while normally someone with my age and education might travel to teach, I'll be a student at the HochschülerInnenschaft an der Universität Wien...but for just one class - Intensive German. I'll be continuing my current work and likely continuing a frugal lifestyle given the horrid exchange rate, despite the fact that work is, for the most part, going very well.
So that's the gist of my agenda. Good times.
My loyal readers might notice a lack of activity on this blog. Sure - I've been busy with work and studying my German (I'm quite happy with where I'm at - I've worked hard at it and I'm seeing good results. I won't have any problems getting around, but I'll be quickly identifiable as a non-native speaker). I don't know though, I'm a firm believer that you do the things you make time for. I guess for me, I've been on a blogging break. It's not over, either. It's unusual, because very often over the last few months I've had ideas I'd have really loved to blog about (since I try to keep things as free as possible of personal updates, like the one above) but the desire wasn't there to write it out. It's unfortunate, because this blog is like an "idea repository" for me, and through it I have a means to store my thoughts for later review and critique (oh, I was so naive!).
So that's the gist of my agenda. Good times.
My loyal readers might notice a lack of activity on this blog. Sure - I've been busy with work and studying my German (I'm quite happy with where I'm at - I've worked hard at it and I'm seeing good results. I won't have any problems getting around, but I'll be quickly identifiable as a non-native speaker). I don't know though, I'm a firm believer that you do the things you make time for. I guess for me, I've been on a blogging break. It's not over, either. It's unusual, because very often over the last few months I've had ideas I'd have really loved to blog about (since I try to keep things as free as possible of personal updates, like the one above) but the desire wasn't there to write it out. It's unfortunate, because this blog is like an "idea repository" for me, and through it I have a means to store my thoughts for later review and critique (oh, I was so naive!).
Friday, March 14, 2008
A little on politics
Below is a video purportedly for Ron Paul, a not-so well-known presidential candidate. I'm posting it because of it's message, and because of the messages from Kennedy and Martin Luther King...and because of it's message. I'm not a Ron Paul supporter, but I'm not so proud that I won't acknowledge what I think is a good point.
My thoughts here:
I sincerely doubt this video was actually removed, I think that's a stunt for publicity.
Particularly poignant points...without debate, without criticism, no administration and no government can succeed...and no civilization can survive. That is why our press is given the first amendment - the only industry with government protection.
Preemptive war is, simply put, a bad thing. It's ridiculous that we're attacking others because they might attack us. We're committing the invasion...
Lastly...the dangers of "excessive and unwarranted concealment of facts far outweigh the dangers that are cited to justify it". "...there is very grave danger that an announced need for increased security will be seized upon by those anxious to expand it's means to the very limits of censorship and concealment." The liberties being taken by our president under the guise of "national security" greatly concern me, but not nearly as much as the eagerness of the public to accept it.
People are different, and I don't begrudge the president his belief that more governmental oversight is the right solution. I worry instead, that so many people willfully accept this, welcome it with open arms. I don't begrudge the president for trying to keep us safe through war - I don't believe that violence prevents violence, but that doesn't make me right. I worry instead about how willingly the American people gloss over the idea.
Anyway, I won't bore you with extended political chat. If you read even this far, thank you, and I hope you can enjoy the video.
My thoughts here:
I sincerely doubt this video was actually removed, I think that's a stunt for publicity.
Particularly poignant points...without debate, without criticism, no administration and no government can succeed...and no civilization can survive. That is why our press is given the first amendment - the only industry with government protection.
Preemptive war is, simply put, a bad thing. It's ridiculous that we're attacking others because they might attack us. We're committing the invasion...
Lastly...the dangers of "excessive and unwarranted concealment of facts far outweigh the dangers that are cited to justify it". "...there is very grave danger that an announced need for increased security will be seized upon by those anxious to expand it's means to the very limits of censorship and concealment." The liberties being taken by our president under the guise of "national security" greatly concern me, but not nearly as much as the eagerness of the public to accept it.
People are different, and I don't begrudge the president his belief that more governmental oversight is the right solution. I worry instead, that so many people willfully accept this, welcome it with open arms. I don't begrudge the president for trying to keep us safe through war - I don't believe that violence prevents violence, but that doesn't make me right. I worry instead about how willingly the American people gloss over the idea.
Anyway, I won't bore you with extended political chat. If you read even this far, thank you, and I hope you can enjoy the video.
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