Values and Steppenwolf

This could have been attached to the previous post but I thought it could stand on it's own. I'm reading Herman Hesse's novel "Steppenwolf" right now, and there's a portion where he talks about conflicting sets of desires within himself. He really touches on the inconsistency that seems to come with being human - although we like to say that we live by a certain set of values, ethics, or priorities, there are a number of different forces pulling us in different directions that can make our behavior inconsistent with what we believe to be our core values. That's my experience, anyway.

In Steppenwolf, the main character feels a divide within himself - there is a part of him that wants to be a part of normal (bourgeoisie is the word used repeatedly in the novel) society, that wants to live a life with priorities like family, money, and entertainment. A second part of him realizes the hypocrisy and inanity that this lifestyle would have for him. On one level, he looks down on the "normal" people because they partake in what he sees as a contemptuous, or at best ignorantly blissful, lifestyle. On another level, he envies them for their capacity to live, apparently happily, in this lifestyle. It's not just an envy though, there is a part of him that legitimately wishes to be a part of this society, or at least a society. Despite his conviction that he is an outsider, he'll even attempt to participate in events with other people in society, only to be disappointed or disgusted.

It was interesting to read about this divide...it's something I haven't thought much about. Steppenwolf is credited as being one of Hesse's most autobiographical novels - I assume this means that on some level, Hesse felt he was an outsider, and also felt the pull of many different set of values. Hesse mentions that we all, to some extent, suffer from multiple personality disorder, and I think that's an interesting way to look at it. We can arrange our values into categories - the pleasure-seeker, the spiritualist who feels slightly detached from the world, the family-loving career oriented persona...and that's just naming a few of my own!

Even if you take my great advice (aka wisdom) and take time to establish your values and take care to act in accordance with them, the truth is that you'll slip up. At the very least, I do. Not just that, but our values will change - new personalities with new set of personalities will emerge, and old sets will be changed or even discarded.

Is it denying a part of yourself to suppress a certain personality in favor of one that you feel is more important? Is that an exercise doomed to failure, with the suppressed personality slowly building power even during it's suppression until it's uncontainable? Maybe, but that's only partially consistent with my experience. We also have the opportunity to suppress a personality we don't appreciate until we no longer feel the desire to express what it stands for...to erase it, not just suppress it. Perhaps, through willpower, that gives us a path towards growth?