Living meaningfully: Tuesdays with Morrie edition

I recently picked up a book on tape at random from the library - "Tuesdays with Morrie". I thought it sounded interesting, and that perhaps I'd find a little-known gem that I could share with friends and family. It turns out that this book, unbeknownst to me, has already been read by everyone. Seriously, everyone I've mentioned it to has read it or can run me through at least its premise.

For those of you not in the loop, it details the story of a man too caught up in his career and life to realize that he's not living his life happily. He visits his old college professor who has been diagnosed with a Lou Gehrig's disease (ALS) and doesn't have a lot longer to live. It's about the life lessons the older man imparts to the younger. If it sounds trite or overly emotional, first...try not to be so jaded! It's an emotional, touching story, yes, but there really is something to learn: mostly due to the professor's practical wisdom - though his skills with aphorisms are also impressive. We might also learn from the drone-like everyman the author presents himself as. I have doubts as to the accuracy of his self-portrayal - it seems overly harsh, almost crafted to provide a more poignant contrast. Can the character the author portrayed transform enough to write such a wise and emotionally intelligent book? Ultimately it's unimportant, and perhaps the exaggerated portrayal widens the scope of his audience.

Mark Twain said the difference between fiction and non-fiction is that fiction has to be believable. This story could be dismissed as unlikely if it were fiction, so it's foundation in truth is fundamental. Read the book if you're interested, it's good, but let's move on to theoretical discussion.

I suppose the best place to start is with the foundation of Morrie's (our elder sage) life philosophy: Love one another. If we act from love and kindness for one another, we will have a happy life - or at least, a life we don't regret. Recognize the importance of relationships in our lives, and cultivate them. It is through our relationships with others that we can show who we are, and find happiness. Here's a few direct quotes:

So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half asleep, even when they are busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.

"Dying is one thing to be sad about, living unhappily is another thing."

"The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in..."

That last point was really an important one to Morrie - he believed the foundation of our happiness was love. It's difficult for me to espouse this philosophy, even though I may agree with it: I blush just saying "Love is the answer". Maybe because it sounds imprecise or vague. It doesn't sound like someone who prides himself on his logical conclusions would say, it's too illogical, too emotional. Maybe there are too many people whose life philosophy we might quickly dismiss as misguided who say the same thing..."Love is the answer, man!" I can just imagine this line coming from a stereotypical hippie in some comedy routine, where he espouses the virtues of free love in between puffs of his joint. If there are people we disagree with who hold a viewpoint, it doesn't make the viewpoint wrong...not too mention media and entertainment aren't exactly known for historical accuracy or intellectual betterment.

It's not weak to talk about love, and it's not weak to want or to seek human connections. It's easy to make fun of, especially in our culture which holds no values sacred and no topic immune from the comic's wit. Unfortunately, it might be perceived weak to espouse the virtues of a love and caring based life. Modern society does not encourage the values that will allow us to live happily - there is instead a focus on possessions, on money, and on the trivial. It takes strength to follow a value in the face of criticism and mockery, and it takes strength to take a stand, to state your position plainly and proudly.* It takes strength to find and follow your own values.

"The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. and you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn't work, don't buy it."

Morrie had much to say in criticism of modern culture. Our culture does not necessarily have to be the way it is: culture is not just a deterministic extension of human nature. We can decide for ourselves if the things are is way that things should be. I've talked at length about the necessity of creating our own value systems - of living life the way we think is right - if we don't find a moral system that "fits". I see this idea that culture is something we can reject if it doesn't work as a similar idea (he came up with it before me).

"If you can accept that you can die at any time - then you might not be as ambitious as you are."

We really can die at any time. We'll all die someday. If you want to be happy when you die, make sure you live your life in a way that if you do die tomorrow, you won't die wishing you'd lived. Don't put off living life for the sake of anything.

Conclusions

Morrie's "one size fits-all" philosophy might seem at odds with my constant emphasis on finding our own answers. His emphasis on love might also seem separated from my emphasis on logic. I don't think this is the case. I think Morrie has provided a practical, livable philosophy. Where I primarily provide broad foundational philosophy: a how-to for value system creation, Morrie instead provides a working value system. I like his value system. I don't know if it will work for everyone, but that doesn't make it wrong. It's certainly extremely relevant in modern society - it's going to reach more people than my last post (not just because it was a bestseller).


* I went to a meeting for the "Intellectuals of Portland" recently, and was annoyed with a technique in the discussions: a refusal to state one's position clearly, or a refusal to admit an actual viewpoint. It's very easy to stand back and to criticize the faults or flaws of a particular stance, because every stance involves the acceptance of some things and the rejection of others. If we avoid actually taking a stance, we can avoid this criticism...but it's very counter-productive. Just because something cannot be criticized does not make it right, and just because something can be criticized does not make it wrong. Philosophy and morality are in a class of topics where the same answer can and will have multiple right answers.

One could say that I fall into the category of thinkers that I'm assailing when comparing me to Morrie. I provide broad foundational advice without actually stepping into the muck of controversy to come up with an actual system. Morrie has taken a stand, and created something good, and something controversial.