On Commitment

Why do people get married? Why is there a requirement for commitment that really, at a basic level, just doesn't make sense? Marriage suddenly makes a relationship contractual - not only are you claiming to know that the feelings you currently feel will never change, you're saying that if they do you'll stick it out anyway.

Forget why you'd ever want to make a commitment like that - why would you ever want to do that to your partner? Why would anyone ever choose to force a person to stay in a relationship they did not want to be in? That's the basic issue with relationship commitments: it's like you want a promise from the other person that their feelings won't change, that they'll stay with you. Relationship commitments are grounded in insecurity and selfishness...because the simple truth is that there's no reason to ask a person to stay committed to you who doesn't feel committed to you.

What's the right way to do it? Recognize that relationships are a choice. Recognize that both partners should be free to live and do as they wish - remove obligational commitments and instead accept that a relationship should only last as long as both people involved want it to.

Am I living in some ideal world again? Yes, I'd say so. The marriage institution is helpful in forcing people to stay together which can be helpful for children. I can't say for sure whether it's more damaging for the children to not only live near these unusual forced relationships (first by making things uncomfortable for them, and second by planting the idea in them that this is how relationships should work), but it seems to me that it's generally a good thing if a child is raised with two parents.

My problem is not with lasting relationships or relationships at all, it is the attitude that a contractual agreement is necessary or beneficial. My choice is to recognize that if I'm in a relationship, it's because it's a relationship I want to be in (and I choose to be in). Idealist or not, I'm not interested in staying in a relationship I'm unhappy with, and I don't expect any partner of mine to do the same.

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This is partially inspired by some recent reading in Conversations with God, Book 3. I've been citing Conversations with God often recently. I'm going to go ahead and officially recommend it to anyone with an interest in self-improvement. It will be a difficult read if you have a particular faith - for the most part, it's very anti-religion as most religions are currently constructed. It was also very difficult for me to begin due to the premise...but if you believe that most answers on how to live life can be found by looking internally for the answers - that is, if you use your own logic and intuition to make decisions - I highly recommend the trilogy.